Are You Ready to Say No to Yourself?
I wasn't ready to say No before. I had been too long in deprivation and denial. I felt like I earned and deserved all the treats I could now afford, Gosh Darnnit! I needed to take care of my inner child. I needed to let her know how much I loved her, and, good or bad, I was taught to show love by buying presents.
Now, my inner little girl is growing up and she's growing up healthy. She doesn’t need every wish granted to prove she is loved. I am growing up with her. I am now learning to say no to myself.
Signs You Might Not Be Ready Either
You know that you're not ready to say no to yourself when you set an intention and it just doesn't happen.
- You set the intention to not spend money and you go ahead and spend it anyway.
- You set the intention to stick to a schedule and you find yourself ignoring it.
- You set the intention to save more money than you bring in every month and you end up not saving at all.
So How Come It's Like That?
Well, the fact is, the desired state, (what you want), is not as valuable (to the part of you that's in charge of your experience) as the current state, (what you are experiencing now). If my inner little girl knows she can survive deprivation but not so sure she can survive abundance, because she doesn't have much experience of it, the familiarity of surviving deprivation is more valuable to her.
There is a positive intention within what you're experiencing now that you need to learn before you can say no to it. Once you figure out what that positive intention is then as long as you keep the intention the behavior is easier to say no to. Figuring out that positive intention is where an NLP practitioner, like me, comes in handy.
Back to Learning to Say No to Myself
Of course, I've said no to a lot of things in my life, but they were things it was easy to say no to. They were things that no longer had value to me. I'm getting stronger at saying no to other people. That is way harder. Pleasing other people makes me happy, if exhausted. Saying no used to bring up feelings that supported low self-esteem But to say no to myself? That wasn't even on my radar.
Whether they realized it or not, people were often saying no to me. I'm the one that had to have my back and say yes. Yes to putting me first. Yes to meeting my basic needs & wants. Yes to having fun, because that is an important part of life.
Now, my basic needs are being met on a regular basis. I have a home that I love living in. I have good, nutritious eating habits. I have spent money saying yes to my health and I'm feeling good. I have loving relationships with friends and family. I'm not constantly "wanting" to fill an empty space inside.
Now the Question is What's Next?
As I move into that next area of exploration, growth, adventure, and newness, I find that my interest is drawn to building my assets. But what does that look like? What is my style of investing? What are the qualities that would make me say yes to this? I can say, through my research so far, that it needs an element of play. Maybe penny stocks? It needs to be something I’m interested in learning about. Real Estate? It needs to provide a decent amount of passive income. Commercial property?
Creating an investment plan is the next step, starting with a vision of the results. That vision needs to be strong, clear and exciting enough for me to say YES! I can let that vision pull me forward into new things. Then it is very easy, natural even, to say no to other things that no longer serve me. That is exciting!
I Ask Again, Are You Ready to Say No to Yourself?
Can you say no to something you want now because there is something greater calling you? Do you know what it is that's stopping you from saying no to yourself? Can you figure out what is the positive intention within what no longer serves you? If you can, incorporate that intention into what you're moving into and then test it out. Does it feel congruent with who you are? If you can say yes to this bigger desire, then you are ready to say no to yourself.